Thumbs Down to Raspberry Jam

I hate everything about raspberry jam. The taste, the texture, the color, the smell, the lumps, and most of all -- its attitude.

Letís start with its taste. First of all, real raspberries donít taste like that at all. I bet the inventor of raspberry jam was drunk the night he created it. One time I ate a raspberry hard candy and I got a headache afterwards.

Even my friend Bridget says there is a moldy jar of raspberry jam in the back of her refrigerator because no wants to eat it. The color. Am I not getting something? It's brown, but itís purple, yet itís maroon. I donít like mind games. It should either be one color or another.

The smell. Go to your refrigerator right now and pull out the invader from hell and smell it. Donít tell me your body doesnít shrivel from repulse to its stench. The horrible little lumps provide an unheard of sensation that is unforgettable in my mind.

Hey, you donít need my word for it. Take a piece of bread out right now. Plop a bunch of globby raspberry guts on to it and youíll know what I mean. And then there is the spelling. Shouldnít it be razberry? No its got to be difficult- it couldnít just make sense. We got to interrupt the word by putting a P right in the middle of it. Then there is its attitude. No, Iím not going to even get into that right now. I just get too angry.

(say hi to bethany, email attn:bethy)

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