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pit of advice
and video pick
 by Dante Alighieri Dante is an Italian poet, and one of the supreme figures of world literature, who is admired for the depth of his spiritual vision and for the range of his intellectual accomplishment. Currently, he works part-time at 4 Star Video Heaven and has written 'The Divine Comedy'. |
-Leigh
Mmmm, a pickle indeed. Let the filthy prototype of Fraud draw near and settle his head upon the edge of the dark cliff, but let his tail hang clear. For this beast is the stairway to the pit: mount it in front and I will ride between you and the tail, lest you be poisoned by it. If the Beast slides backward, backward - so that the monster falls back into the pit, perhaps it is time to buck this already betrothed boob.
If you think I live in pit, then you haven't seen the beautiful yet depressing 'The Last Picture Show.' Dante, you have gained my trust and respect. After discovering your taste for Xanadu and all its boogie incite I would follow you anywhere. Do you have any more thoughts on the Disco era and the message it sent and its return? -Lola
My lovely Lola,
Who needs drugs when ya have the classic 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?' Where can I find a good burrito? -Tim
A bountiful burrito, which is Spanish for 'little donkey,' can be plucked from your corner Taco Bell for only 99 cents. But instead, Tim, find yourself a special little spicy senorita to sizzle you up a sinful delight.
See what the Coen brothers were up to before 'Fargo' and 'Barton Fink,' catch 'Blood Simple.' What colour shoes should one wear with a lime suit? -Immelda
Lime is a troublesome tune, singing against the spectrum of all humanity.
Precisely so, philosophers declare, barefoot is the way to go.
Rediscover the magic with the director's cut of 'Highlander.' Do you believe in 7-11s after death? -Russell After departing from this human shell, will my soul find paradise in streams of Slush Puppies and mountains of Hubba Bubba? This sticky punishment would make nightmares grow. Perhaps reincarnation is Dante's direction. How devilish it would be to come back as a Wonderbra.
Take a journey through David Lynch's inferno 'Blue Velvet.' I really like this guy 'Sean'. But he's a year younger than me and all my friends hate him. He's always flirting with me at track, and I think he likes me. What should I do? -'confused' in Canada My dear...Swat away those clouds of confusions and ride the wind which is stirring in your own sweet soul. As for your friends, they yearn for what they fear. Now begone and run a lap! Jamie, If you think your life is full of turmoil, watch 'the Bicycle Thief.'  I have a toyboy and a boyfriend I love them both, I think. I find wonderful qualities in them both -
one has a steady job etc. but is not as loving as the other. He is 7 yrs younger than me and he is gorgeous
he has a steady flow of money from an inheritance and loves me more than anything what do I do???? Christine, one word: 'money.' But wait, let me tell ya about a
'job' I had back on Endor. Mr. Eon Calamari was engaged to a
snotty but wealthy lass. On the side, Eon had a fur fetish and
was involved with an Ewok called Brittichina. So, he married
Miss Moneybags and he was miserable -- spending his long
nights dreaming of fuzzy luv. He knew that if he divorced his wife
she would cut him off financially. So he paid a visit to Jabba
Insurance and took out a policy on her life, naming himself as
the sole beneficiary. After she ignorantly signed the policy, I was
asked to pay a "visit" to the unfortunate Mrs. Calamari. Perhaps
it was a tad extreme, but that's one way to have your cake and
eat it too. Umm, there is an ugly side to this tale...Well,
Brittichina moved in after Mr. Calamari received the insurance
payment, but she quickly lost interest in him. After a month
she left him for a Wookie named Frank-ja. Mr. Calamari
became depressed, boo-hoo, and forgot to pay his bills,
including a check payable to Fett Freelance Enterprises. A
couple weeks later he "accidentally" tripped and shot himself
in the face with a blaster.
Dear Dante, Do you prefer the top or the bottom? -Kim Dearest Kim, Dante: This is pretty dumb on my part. Last weekend my roommate 'Donna' went home. Well I went to a couple parties and bumped into her boyfriend 'Dan.' With bad judgment, we kinda slept together. The thing is, I don't even like him. Because we're friends, should I tell 'Donna' the truth? Or do you think it would ruin our friendship? -'Sara' on Langdon Sara, Dear Dante: I just finished watching the bloated Oscars. What advice do you have for the producers of the show to make it snappier? -love Tina from Epworth Tina, (then I received the following response...) Dante:
O most miscreant rabble called Teddie, The director's cut of Bladerunner. This version clearly reinforces my belief that 'less is more.'
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