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we should be able to pay the rent with camel cash

the guys
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the issues


the guys

the guys
the Dawg and Eddie are in their 7th year at the University of Wisconsin - Madison. Their majors are undeclared.


the issues the issues the issues the issues the issues the issues
The Presidential Election: Fire up, our vote goes to that fruit guy Dole. If he can successfully grow, ship and market tasty bananas-- he'd have no problem running the country. Have ya ever met a fruit guy that ya couldn't trust? Nada! (that's French for 'no'). But we might vote for that Dick-dude. While watching 'Bio-Dome' 14 times in a row (which rocked, so Roger and Gene can stick their thumbs where the sun don't set), nixon-- once again!we went to get more Milk-duds and got lost in another theater. We caught this 2 hour political ad-thing which was directed by Oliver Stone (the 'man' who brought us the stonerific 'Doors' - if ya know what I mean). But Mr. Dick is definitely the dude with the agenda. Oh yeah, and Eddie thinks his wife is sexeee.......The Unibomber capture: wow, this is bigger than Major Steve Austin meeting Big Foot on 'the 6 Million Dollar Man.' Did any guy ever buy the Bionic Woman action figure? What was Kenner smokin'? Yet, the Unibomber capture isn't as big as Evel Knievel jumpin' over the Grand Canyon. The Evel Knievel action figure and accessories were cool 'cuz girls didn't like 'em. When it comes time to make a Unibomber action figure-- just remember, all you toy manufactures, don't make a Chick Unibomber action figure-- nobody buys 'em! (nuff said)......Rent: we heard that Madison was this liberal '60's groovin' place....Like hell! If it's so 'free and casual' -- why is the rent so stinkin' expensive? We thought people would let us crash at their places for free-- no dice (they start screamin' when they see the Dawg's hairy back). But, 'the guys' have an answer! We should be able to pay the rent with Camel Cash. If Joe Camel considers it to be 'smooth legal tender' - then so should the landlords. smoke em if ya got emAnother solution solved-- watch out, Soglin!....Mad-meat: don't let 'em knock meat that's produced in Madison. We groove on mad-meat - brats, hamburger, summer sausage, ring bologna, um, tuna melt and -ah - the list goes on and on. We don't understand what those Red Coats from England gotta do with it, but ya always know them fish and chips eatin' freaks are up to no good. Do you know the British invented PBS? True. And they brush their teeth with brown sugar. Only one good thing came out of England: BENNY HILL!....Things we don't understand (abridged version): What is clam juice and why in god's name would anyone use it? Go to aisle 2 at Cap Centre Foods-- you'll see it! The Dawg starts to gag just thinking about this cloudy jar of sea-food hell. Also, we found something called 'The Toilet Duck.' Is this a kid's toy to clean the toilet? Disss-gustin'. Curious minds want to know: why did TV's Xena put a restraining order against us? More importantly, how do ya become a Montana 'Freeman'? Is there a charge to join, do ya gotta fill out an application, and would they loan us guns or do ya gotta bring your own?.....We might not be here next week, Eddie's goin' in for surgery. Somehow the 'Friends' theme song give him internal bleeding. Well, those are 'the issues' and we are 'the guys.' Chow! (that's Hong Kong for 'later')