The Holly Marshall Scandal

Holly Marshall (insert)
says the Lost City is "kinda spooky."

Call it a "routine expedition" or a bizarre twist of fate, but Holly Marshall was first introduced to the Sleestak race when she was plunged down a thousand feet below.

"What do I hate most about them Sleestaks? I hate their icky lobster fingers. Yuck!" proclaims the youngest Marshall child, age 13. "And they're always hissing. It's spooky, like they have really bad asthma or somethin'. My grampa Marshall kinda sounds like that, but that's 'cuz he smokes 2 packs of Pall Malls every day."

And what does Holly rate as the spookiest thing about the Sleestaks? "That Lost City! Wow, that place has a big ol' pit for sacrifices and stuff. Yeah, and a giant stinky fog monster lives in the pit. And he eats little kids, that's what my dad says, so I don't go anywhere near that Lost City."

When asked what she thinks about the Sleestak race occupying the Oval Office, Holly replies "They'll probably do an okay job. I mean, if they can run the Land of the Lost, I'm sure America would be a breeze. I still don't like 'em, but ya kinda gotta respect their politics."

But then Holly takes a long pause. "Well, there is this one time they got a little outta hand..."


"Dopey and me were playin' by Forbidden Valley. We didn't think nothing of it. I mean, I really didn't think that forbidden meant "forbidden." So we was just kinda goofin' around when we saw it. I still have nightmares about it. But there it was, I'll never forget it. They were listenin' to Tom Jones and acting like big time swingers. Every Sleestak had a hooker on each arm. The Sleestaks were kickin' back gin and tonics like they were goin' outta style. It was pure uncensored swankness."

This does not coincide with the family image the Sleestaks normally portray. Enik, the "Smart" Sleestak from the future, denies Holly's allegations. "She's a young child. Goodness, if only I had a nickle for every white lie I told when I was 13...I know who is really behind this. Smells like more Bob Dole negative campaign tactics to this sleestak."

"Honest injin," swears Holly. "It really happened. They were partying like it was 1999. Sure, the Sleestaks 'talk' about being 'family orientated,' but they're really just a gang of playboy lizards."

But this accusation hasn't hurt the Sleestak Party, who are up 10 points in the polls.